As Coronavirus aka COVID-19 (pick your poison on that one) rolls on, I think it’s safe to assume we’re all feeling a bit of “cabin fever,” no matter where we call home. Fear not! I have done my research, pored over countless articles, rules, and laws, as well as asked around to find the five best hotspots.
The Ass-Groove on the Couch
This is number one for a reason. Who doesn’t love a good ass-groove? It’s familiar, it’s close by, and it fits! The best part is you can do so much once you’re there. Stream TV shows and movies, play video games, read, or just sit in the dark, get drunk, and weep quietly as modern society slowly withers away. There’s just so much to do here!
This place is full of the best stuff, and it’s the best cure for boredom: eating! Don’t wanna read? Eat! Done watching TV? Eat! Just got up from a sad nap, where you dreamed about the downfall of humanity for the 23rd consecutive time? Eat! It’s pretty fun.
This is one of those “quantity over quality” things. That’s not diminishing the quality of the bed, it’s still top notch, but I think we can all agree it’s getting a lot more use than it typically does. The best part about it now though? It holds at least half your clothes. Dirty ones, clean ones, even ones you’re not sure about, they’re all there! If you position them properly, it might actually feel like you’re not alone, so you can feel like you won’t die alone, and only be found when your neighbors get a whiff.
The Grocery Store
Big fan of the Mad Max franchise? Want an early taste of it? You’re in luck! Throw on the face mask and gloves, and head for your local, big-box retailer. You’ll see the people who think they’re in the movie Outbreak, the casual ones who act like it’s a normal Saturday not wearing any PPE and coughing into the air, and my personal favorite: the hoarder. Yes Karen, you need 10 packages of toilet paper, to go with the 30 you already have. I’ll just wipe my ass with my socks.
This one is hit or miss. I mean, you could venture out for a walk, enjoying the fresh air, and possibility of vitamin D producing sunlight. Also, having to zig zag across the street every time you see another human. Then give them a neighborly wave, like you care about each other, when in reality, you see them as a vehicle for a global pandemic-causing virus. Although, deep down you just want to hug them, because you haven’t felt the touch of another human in over a month, and you have forgotten what human contact feels like.
So that’s my list! Please leave your recommendations in the comments if you have any, and let’s have a GREAT weekend everyone!